I've been on Lamictal for a couple years, on a low dose. It really helped with my depression, but it causes me to be confused, forgetful, foggy. My doctor said to cut it in half and take half a pill a day. I've been on that for a couple months, but noticed that my mood has been starting to rollercoaster. I've been getting irritated and agitated more frequently. I decided to go back to a whole pill. I did that for a few days and the fog and confusion hit me. Mike even asked me "are you ok?" because I forgot that we put the items we bought in the trunk not 5 minutes prior. I get foggy when driving, which is the most problematic, for obvious reasons. How would you explain to a police officer that you were in a brain fog and caused an accident? They'd lock you up for a DUI without being intoxicated.

My next appointment is the end of June. I don't know if I want to suffer with the confusion, forgetfulness, and fog for another month, or be a moody bitch for the next month. I also don't know what drug I'll be put on next. I'll have to do some research on the differnt ones and look at the side effects. Risperidol side effects fucked me up pretty bad, so there's no way I'm going back on that. Zyprexa was too expensive, so I went on Risperidol. I'll have to research the side effects of it and check to see how much it will cost me per month, and possibly ask to go on that again. I just hate playing around with my health to see what works and what doesn't. Why can't I just be normal?

In another medication mess, my acne has been horrendus lately, getting worse every day it seems. I wash my face, cut out the face makeup, pack on the acne cream, you name it. My back is a mess, my shoulders, face, neck. I look like a 13 year old with gray hairs. My obgyn had been trying different birth controls because I've been bleeding twice a month for some reason. It almost seems like I'm not getting enough hormones. So now I want to go to a new gyn and get back on the patch to see what happens.

I'm so frustrated that I'm being a guinnea pig and not getting answers. I'm tired of not being normal. I'm tired of back pain, getting infusions, brain fog, forgetfullness, ADD... I can't stand this. I feel like I have no one to talk to that understands or cares.